Nobody else can bring happiness like Vijay. He brings joy to reviewers, meme creators, WhatsApp groups, fans of his rivals and probably some of his fans. He gives an opportunity for them to become famous and some of them have used it well. Who else can boast such things?

When I was watching Bairavaa, my mind was dabbling with new ideas. The movie didn’t have anything much, and my girlfriend had slept (I couldn’t text her) – the empty mind was coming up with some incredible thought processes. I was thinking how it is possible to make the same movie again and again. It dawned upon me that Vijay’s movies have the best process in the world. They are standard methods and pre-created templates that can be used for different premises. It’s the greatest innovation in filmmaking.

It doesn’t matter who the director is and what story he brings in, ‘Vijay movie process’ steps in and makes sure the movie is uniform to the ’T’. If you do timestamps and check, probably the positions of songs (pun intended) and fights will be the same. Oh, yeah, that could be an idea for my next blog post. That’s what a Vijay movie can do to you. It brings the best in you.

For example, the latest addition to the process template is calling the dear ones with a sweet pet name – ‘Baby’ in Theri and ‘Darling’ in Bairavaa. The bromance between Vijay and his friend Sathish is so ‘amazing’ that they call each other “Darling”. The process template is so brilliant that you can close your eyes and guess the next scene. His movies are the Dindigul Thalappakatti of movies – you know that the biriyani will be the same in every restaurant, and you are aware that his movies will be same but the only difference is they are bland (unlike the biriyani).

This process seems to have found a knack to give the same product every time and still make money. The best part is that people go to these movies thinking that there will be something new and end up rationalising their decision to watch the film. It may sound simple but believe it or not; it’s like AR Rahman reproducing the same tune again and again but making it as a hit. What this process could do is next to impossible.

It’s so advanced and innovative as it produces low-quality products but still makes enough money in the market. What a genius idea. Bairavaa is yet another low-quality product dished out through this process. As I said earlier, Barathan did have a good premise, and it could have been an enjoyable movie sans the ‘Vijay movies’ template. In fact, his Azhagiya Tamil Magan had the same fate. There is nothing new about Bairavaa. The comedy is musty; fights are monotonous while Satish and Vijay have better romance chemistry than Vijay and Keerthi Suresh.

The best part about Santhosh Narayanan’s music is that it cues you for the worst with the theme music. Probably, he was bored too; he just replaced his score with Hans Zimmer’s in a couple of sequences. From the start to the end, the movie is unimaginative, and I was even waiting for Vijay to shout at the judge “Nee Pombalaya Irundha, Innoru Vaaram Time Kodu” (If you are a woman, give me one more week) and the climax is bloody hilarious. One fake phone call, the entire world believes the hero. I wish he had made the call at the start of the movie.

What’s the point in this review? I will have few shares. Few Vijay fans would want me in a mental asylum. Everyone will watch this mediocre movie and make it a box office hit. Every TV channel will run a special show (I pity those anchors). It will never stop. It will never STOP.

P.S., Did you really think that there will be a rating for this movie?

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Posted by Sylvian

Marketing Analyst by profession, a quizzer by passion, a blogger by choice, a poet by chance, a non-conformist by gene and a rebel by birth

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