I never like to cry. In fact I hate crying because I feel it shows your weakness but sometimes tears are more meaningful than words. I dunno how many of you saw “Nadodigal”, a Tamil movie which came in 2009. The movie was directed by Samudrakani with Sasikumar in the lead. It’s about 3 friends who help another friend to succeed in love and how it affects their own life. One lady in the movie by the name Abhinaya, who acted as Sasikumar’s sister got rave reviews for her portrayal. She recently won her First award for Best Supporting Actress in the annual Vijay Awards conducted by Vijay TV….When i saw the video, tears rolled down from my eyes instantly… Do you want to know why?

Check the video

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Although I wrote this post for Blog Adda First Crush Contest, I should thank them for giving me an opportunity for making blog about my first crush. This post is waiting for a long time in my list. I dunno whether I will win this contest, but writing about it feels so wonderful. Thank you Blog Adda…

“Patrick”, that was the first time I heard her calling my name with her sweet voice. But it was too late…

I am a small towner, Thanjavur – if you have a car you can measure the length and breadth of the town in half an hour but it’s beautiful, peaceful and laid back. I studied in a boys school, not that my parents forced me to but all the Christian school except one was either boys or girls school. There was a  Hindu Co-Ed school, where my heroine was studying without my knowledge for years.

The only place you can even see girls were inter school competitions which happen once in a blue moon in our towns. And a short shy boy like me never had a chance to talk to a girl. I never complained about it and girls ( whoever i see) never fascinated me. May be my brain was waiting to release the love hormones only when i see her. Cometh the 10th standard, cometh the special tuitions. Although I was going to the same tuition master for 9th standard math tuitions, that was the first day, myself and my friends were gearing up for 10th tuitions, just because we will have girls in the class.

The tuition master had a small room in his terrace where the tuition classes happen and I always hop the stairs. It just gives me a good feeling to always run the stairs. I had no idea the hop that day is going to be as memorable that I have ended up writing a blog post about it. As I hopped on to reach the last stair, I heard a sound “sssss” which forced a break on my fast running legs. I raised my eyes to see one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen, she was standing with her eyes closed and hands on her head fearing a collision with me. She slowly opened her eyes and we looked at each other for few moments. That unforgettable moment is still precious, she passed me and her white churidhar touched me without touching – Cinematic ? But that’s how I met her. Life is stranger than fiction.

I didn’t realize that she is going to rule my life for the next two years. She ruled my studies, my dressing, my music, my poems, my time, my dreams – everything in my life, without even speaking a single word to me. Her name was ‘S’ ( for obvious reasons) and her father was a doctor. My dad was a doctor too ( +1). She practiced Hindusim and me, a Christian (-2 or -100?). She was taller than me (-2), fairer than me (-2) and her brother was a senior in my school (-2). All the stars were in downward spiral just like a recession economy. But there was one primary thing that has to happen, she has to like me , which is extremely difficult to achieve.

My shady flower shirts became stripes and checks, my pants became darker and simple. I started spending half an hour in front of the mirror shaping and reshaping my hair style but i ended up with the same hair style every other day. I started writing love themed poems in Tamil. Ilayaraja’s love songs became my national anthem.. I even wrote a novel with me as the hero and she as the heroine. My dreams started from Star wars and ended up in pre historic Chola era but consistently the end will be “me kissing her and we living happily ever after”. I even had a Titanic Dream ( Don’t ask me which scene, though). One year had passed admiring her smiles, scared eyes, cajoling her friends, solving maths but i never had the guts to walk up to her and talk. The tenth board exam holidays were painful. I never had the chance to see her. A few times i roamed around her house to just get a glimpse of her but it was not destined to happen. I scored 87% in 10th but i think she scored a little better than me. Maths tuitions are always lucky for me, I ended up in the same maths tuition batch as hers in 11th too. I still didn’t get the courage to talk to her.

Photo Credit: D Sharon Pruitt through Creative Commons

If there was a Hero and Heroine, there should be villain too. There came the villain from my own class, R. He was dark, average built but not handsome (even if he was, would i have accepted?). This guy wily and wise, he had two things which i didn’t have. Guts and people to support. Girls do like guys who come up to them and speak out. He did and she started talking back. Then started a slew of rumors, hear-says and news “He gave card for her birthday”, “She accepted it, ” they went to the ice cream parlor”, “they are talking daily after the tuition in ****** street”. Rumors are like a cut but when you see with your eyes it’s a stab. I once saw them smiling at each other and waving hands. A tear drop forced itself from my eyes. My friend asked “Were you serious?” I sadly replied “Do you think my poems are just farce?”. That day i decided I don’t need this girl. Why should i yearn for some one who doesn’t even know that i like her. Why should i cry for some one and lose my happiness just for a school time crush. I went back home and wrote a farewell letter in my diary for one last time.

Photo Credit: iDreamer through Pringoo

May be it was because of anger, may be it was because of in-competitiveness, may be because it was just a crush but I just decided not to pursue but the thoughts never died. I heard that they fought with each other. They even had a fight in the tuition and he damaged her TVS champ. I just walked off the scene as I could not see her crying (may be I wasn’t strong enough to fight him ). The tuition master asked him not to come for the tuition. Nobody talked about the fights. Nobody knew whether it was love. But still I didn’t get the guts to talk to her.

My friend’s family built a new house opposite to our house and she was also invited for the house warming ceremony. We friends were there for sometime and left to our usual meeting place. But my mom stayed back longer. My mom was very sick at that time. So she was sitting on a chair and S came to her, introduced herself and started speaking to her. Nobody knew what they spoke. My mom asked me later “who is that girl?” I said “meeee” ( that’s the short form of mummy).

My life changed after my mom’s demise.I just left that my first love was a distant dream. I still didn’t get the courage to talk to her. I moved on. Did my engineering and met my best friend in college. S got in to a girl’s college in the same town. We never got a chance to meet. Final year, after I got admission in to my MBA, I accompanied my friend for Honeywell Campus in a near by college. My friend is from Mech Engg and a girl in Mech dept is a rarity. We were sitting in the tree shade fighting at each other as we always do, when I heard a sweet voice calling “Patrick”. I just turned back to see S in white churidhar (man she knew how to dress). I sprung up with a big smile on my face (my friend said I was drooling) and started chatting with S. We were just chatting about college, work, MBA etc but my heart was not beating faster, nor my mouth was dry. I could see her eyes and speak. My eyes never moved to her beautiful lips nor it noticed the curl in her hair. I realized I have moved on. I shook my hands with her and turned back to see my friend with the most fieriest eyes in the world. She just said “hop in the bike. We are going home”. Whatever she spoke or did is censored here but I understood that girls are very possessive (painful guys).

The end ??- not yet people. Roll on to 2006, a bunch of friends including me met in a friend brother’s marriage. One guy said “Machi, S got married”. I exclaimed “What?”. I was neither happy nor sad but a slight tinge of disappointment sat in my face. Another friend2 came and sat next to me, “Hey did you know this news. Just now I heard, S got married”. He exclaimed with a same expression “What? Who is that lucky guy?” friend 1 with a sad tone ” I think a doctor from UK” friend 3, who was taking photographs of the wedding “What are you guys gossiping?”.

Friend 2 “Did you know S got married?”

Friend 3 with the same old disappointing expression “Semma figure machi” ( a local slang meaning a beautiful girl)

“You too Brutus” was my expression. I dunno whether to laugh or cry. I just understood it’s natural for any guy to have a crush on a beautiful girl but real love is more than just a crush. Because I was in love when we were discussing this. Nobody knows whether she loved anyone in her life but I wished she should have wonderful happy family. I still don’t know whether she knew about my crush or did I really love her? I dunno. But somethings are better unsaid.

A unspoken love is more precious because it can never be broken

Me in introspection

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In simple words if I have to describe my relationship with Maestro Ilayaraja’s Music, I would say “I grew up with my mom and maestro’s music”. I was cursing myself when I could not attend the “andrum indrum endrum” – the first live show of Raaja a few years back but when this “Nothing But Wind” live orchestral concert was announced I was determined to go at any cost. Although he was not performing, it was organised by his daughter Bavatharini and I know she would not make a mockery of it.

At around 7.05 when I entered the auditorium, Maestro, Vaali and Uttam Singh were on stage to light the lamp and inaugurate the show. Bavatharini rendered the ever favourite Janani Janani to invoke the blessings of God. Originally, Nothing But Wind is an Indian – Western fusion album composed and orchestrated by Ilayaraja, the flute exclusively performed by Hari Prasad Chaurasia with an 100 piece orchestra. The album was released in 1988. There are 5 musical pieces in the album – Singing Self, Song of Soul, Composer’s Breath, Mozart I love you, and Nothing But Wind. Reproducing the genius of a music with a 30 piece orchestra and accompaniments is not a joke. I would say they gave a fitting tribute to the original.

Navin Iyer played what Hari Prasad Chaurasia took 7 days to record and reproducing the musical genius’ with with a few changes of flutes in a live performance – absolutely scintillating. He was overwhelmed when Raaja applauded and blessed him. Prabakar, who is conducting for Raaja for the past 30 years played the solo violin and managed the orchestra to perfection. It was amazing to hear that he wrote the whole set of notes by listening to the CD of the original as Bavatharini couldn’t find the original notes of Raaja. The 30 Piece orchestra played the perfect foil for Navin and Prabakar. After the completion of every piece there was a standing ovation from the crowd and when Nothing but wind ended, tears were waiting to break down from my eyes. I joined the 1000 odd fans in unison to applaud for the genius and the re-creators.

It was followed by a felicitation ceremony and the fans were treated with interesting anecdotes from Uttam Singh and Raaja. It seems initially Hari Prasad Chaurasia saw the musical notes and said it was simple. But when he met, Raaja explained the notes to him, he was reluctant to do it. Once he started playing for the recording, he fell in love with the notes and even said that he can’t play with a single flute. It took 7 days to record the 5 musical pieces for which Raaja took only half an hour per piece to write them. There was a sixth piece which didn’t make it to the original record and guess who got the opportunity to take it to his movie – Kamal Hassan and the song – wait till the end of the post.

Raaja felicitated each and every person who was responsible for the concert to happen. It was very heartening to see even sound engineers getting felicitated for the wonderful job. Then followed a few songs of Raaja rendered by young singers – Thenpandi Seemaiyile, Ennama Kannu, Gumm Summ Gumm, Oru Poongavanam but the lateral part of show was blown away by the rendering of Anjali Anjali by Yethishwar (Karthik Raja’s Son) and the mind blowing performance of Pop Shalini and Haricharan of Ithu oru Nila Kaalam from Tik Tik Tik.

The concert was soulful, perfect and magical in relative to innumerable crappy shows running all around. I just felt good sitting with a wonderful audience who were in pin-drop silence when the orchestra was performing except for a couple mobile ring-tones. As Baski said “Chennai proved that they intelligent audience of Cricket and Music alike”. And Baski along with Rohini played the perfect hosts. Baski with his own play of words and Rohini with her command in language looked perfect. It was Baski’s statement which drew the longest applause for him – ” if all the technologies and machines dies out today, there will be only Ilayaraja who can make music with only Harmonium” – Aye Baski ( if MSV can’t because of his health).

When everyone left the auditorium awed and vibrantly discussing about the concert, there was a voice “when is How to name it?” – ” Soon ” was the reply from Bavatharini – I said to myself – “the world is waiting”

P.S: The song that was taken by Kamal Hassan for his movie. Listen to it..Brilliance Personifed

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Love is an emotion which is happy, painful, sad, lethal, ecstatic, passionate, compassionate, funny, lively but it’s never easy. What if it was easy to fall in love, easy to get together in life, easy to get permission from your parents to get married, easy to go beyond religion, caste and country.. What if love was easy…

1. I would not have got a topic to write a blog post
2. Shakespeare would not have penned Romeo and Juliet
3. Troy would have been safe
4. Ramayana would not have been possible
5. Laila and Majnun would have been just another married couple
6. Mark Antony would have lived to expand the Roman Empire and Cleopatra would have died at an older age
7. Napolean would have had a heir to his throne
8. Dante’s Divine comedy would have been a comedy of errors
9. Prithiviraj would not have kidnapped Samjukta in a horseback
10. The love letters of Eloise and Ablehard would not have been possible
11. Anarkali would not have been entombed alive and we would not have got “Pyar Kiya to Darna Kiya”
12. Queen Victoria would have had remarriage
13. Taj Mahal would be just a tomb
14. Alexandra would not have been executed just because he loved Nicholas of Russia
15. We would not have needed a BBC documentary to know about Jawaharla Nehru and Lady Mountbatten and try to ban a movie saying their love story
16. Princess Diana would be living happily  - still breaking some more hearts
17. The number of over aged singles in this world would be an endangered species
18. Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor would not have got married twice in the span of few years.
19. Mills and Boons would be cheap crap ( its still cheap for a few)
20. A lot of poets would have stayed clueless (including me )- uff what I would have written
    
    photo credit: prakhar
21. We would have trashed Devdas. No Paro. No Chandramukhi. Dilip Kumar would have needed another movie to become a star.
22. Eric Segal would not have written the  “Love Story”
23. Dharmendra and Hema Malini would not have converted to Islam just to get married
24. Silsila???
25. Tamil movies would have been saved from scenes were heroes fight for lovers and advice parents
26. Ilaiyaraja would have made only spiritual  and mother songs
27. Mani Rathnam would have made only patriotic movies while AR Rahman would have settled for patriotic songs ( we would not have got Mouna Ragam and Alaipayuthey..ooo. I can’t imagine)
28. Titanic would be just another disaster movie and James Cameron would have been a just another director
29. Da Vinci Code would have been crap ( Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene..???)
30. Spencer plaza, Sathyam theatre and Citi Centre would be out of business (Ampa Mall is recently added to the list – Chennai’s happening places).
31. Who would sit in the hot sun of Marina and Besant Nagar beaches???
32. Dupattas would be in shoulders
33. No. of suicide attempts would have come down
34. A few debatable topics would have reduced for the news channels
35. Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge would have been a first day flop (it’s running for 15 years on the trot in a theater in Mumbai)
36. There would not be guys standing in front of girl’s college gates
37. There would not be girls fasting in front of police stations
38. Suicide Point in Kodaikanal would not have got that infamous name
39. Religion and Caste would have been dead and buried
40. A few police stations would not have become marriage halls
41. Gay parades would not be there.
42. A lot of lovers would not have eloped
43. A few parent hearts would not have broken
44. There will not be broken marriages.
45. Diaries need not be a secret.
46. Arranged marriages would have been a rare spectacle the world will be waiting for
47. This world would have been a better place to live with lesser problems, lesser fights, lesser murders and love
48. I would have been father of a child
49. You would have been a wife of the love of your life
50. And we would not have met….

P.S : This post is dedicated to you

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Update: One of my best friends thought that i have done an emotional outburst. So she took pains to edit it for me. Here goes the post

This is a very personal post, dedicated to my mom, on her birthday  – March 17th. It is a lengthy read and if you like only short posts, please skip this!

And, if you loved reading this post, go tell your mom how much you love her. Don’t waste time!

I always say “Love never happens by default” - you can’t love a person because he is someway related to you. But Moms are exceptions!

May be a few people will not like their mothers but no one hates them. And for a lot, like me,“Moms are the greatest”... I love my Mom, not for what she was to me, but for the wonderful woman that she was! Her real name was Magdalene and the guy who wrote her birth certificate didn’t know the spelling – and he wrote it as Maxilina.
She was the eldest of 6 siblings. She lost her father at a very early age and she became the prime focal point and supporter of the family. She took nursing training and started earning for her family. She became friends with my dad in the hospital where they worked together in Tanjore and then fell in love, ended up marrying each other for the love that they had for each other.

My grand pa (father’s dad) never approved of this love marriage and hence my mom and dad lived an extremely tough life during the initial days of their life together. Both my dad and mom have to give away their salaries every month to each of their family. Even for every little need, they had to look for money from my grand dad. And of course there were those typical in-law issues to put up with. I was never fond of my grandma for these very same reasons. I was told that the birth of my brother in the first year of marriage just added to the existing complications. I am the second son, born after 5 years of marriage.

My mom was a wonderful woman. Very bold and determined. She was confident, very straightforward and her decisions were very meticulous and rational. She truly stood out from the crowd of women, in those days. She inspired my dad to take up his Masters in Surgery, while she went on to look after me and my brother. I was always a mom’s boy!

I never allowed her to go anywhere alone. I remember tagging along with her for church on Fridays and Sundays. She was very religious. Every time, my dad, brother or me walked out of the house, she would mutter the Holy Mary prayer. She loved Mother Mary of Vailankanni more than her life… Every year she used to go for the flag hoisting day in Vailankanni.

She was so determined that we should have to buy a house for our family and we bought it on loan. I was pampered by her more, than my brother. May be because she quit her job when I joined the school. She used to come to the school, during lunch hours, to feed me everyday. She never allowed me to eat cold, not-so-tasty food. As my friend Saravana puts it in this post, she would bring the latest cricket scores for us daily and becomes a mom to everyone around, forcing them to eat well. My whole class liked her as she cared for every one of them. She knew everyone by name.

She never said “no” to me and I have never lied to her. I used to give her a blow-by-blow account of my school days, lying in her lap, everyday! She encouraged me and my brother in every damn thing we were interested in. My interest in music, football and Table Tennis… There are so many. The reading habit came from her. She was a voracious reader and loved Lakshmi, Kalki and Sujatha (in that order). The first book she gave me was Ponniyin Selvan and that triggered my reading passion, which stands at next to crazyness now.

She loved Balachander’s movies. Initially I never allowed her to go for movies. Then she started taking me along with her for watching movies. Although I didn’t understand much of movies then, I think it’s her passion and my dad’s liking for English movies have contributed to making me the kind of a movie buff I’m these days.

I was told that she didn’t know cooking when she got married! You would not believe that if you had eaten out of her hands. Her delicacies, especially the crab masala and viral fish curry, still lingers on my taste buds.

She made sure that I will go to every tour that my school organised, because she loves travelling. Sadly, she never had the chance or time for travelling at her will. Like all mothers, she was trying to make her dreams come through me. She used to sit with me with a prayer book in hand, whenever I was afraid to sleep alone in my room. There was not a day, when she had gone to bed before I fell asleep.

As she was a nurse, she had easy access to over-the-counter medicines and she practised self-medication whenever she had a cold or fever. This habit is one of the prime reasons for her Kidney Failure. I never understood what her problem was initially. When I was in my 9th and 10th grade, I understood the seriousness of the health issue. Kidney failure is one of the worst ailments for human body and dialysis is one of the most painful treatments physically and visually. Once I saw her undergoing dialysis and I cried alone in my room after that. I never went back to that hospital room again whenever she underwent the treatment. It was emotionally very tiring.

She slowly became weak and more sick over the next few years. Sometimes she would suffer from high fever that she would not be able to bear the cold and a few moments later you would find her sweating. She was allowed to eat only 0.5 Mg of salt daily. And she would ask me, her sister or cousins to give a little more of salt, which we can’t. Sometimes I too would eat without salt. I used to feed her my food.. Those are some poignant moments of life which I won’t ever forget in my lifetime.

During the 10th grade holidays, I had to be in Tanjore, when she was taken to Chennai for a series of possible kidney transplant tests. That’s the longest time frame I stayed away from my mom, until then. When my matric results were out, I wanted to see my mom and when I saw her, I ran towards her madly to hug her and she hugged me and planted me with a kiss in the forehead. I can’t explain that happiness in words…

From Nostalgia

She refused to undergo the kidney transplantation, as it was very complicated for her. In fact, she didn’t want a third party donor. She wanted someone from the family and none suited her needs. She came back to tanjore and focussed on various pilgrim tours. She went to Bangalore to see the child Jesus church and the Ulsoor mother Mary church. She wanted to go to Chalakudy prayer centre. Her health was so critical that it was impossible for her to be without dialysis for 7 days. Yet she insisted in going. A woman of will. My dad, my newly married cousin and his wife accompanied her to the divine mediation centre in Kerala.

July 24 1998, I had a sleepless night. Nightmares! I somehow pushed myself to the chemistry tuition classes in the morning. The teacher asked “when is your mom back?”, I said ” tomorrow” with a smile. It was a Saturday. I don’t eat on Saturday mornings, a practice that was taught by my mom, owing to a ritual to mother Mary. I went to school. It was to be only for half a day, as the sports day was coming up .. I was in no mood to play and I was sitting alone when my librarian came.. He announced that my cousin has come to see me. His eyes were red. I was surprised to see my cousin there in school, who went with my mom. Suddenly it struck me that something isn’t right. “dei yeppada vantha, mummy yeppadi irukkanga” He didn’t answer that. Instead asked me to follow him to our house. The walk from the school to my house was utterly gut-wrenching. And in eerie silence.

A few people have already gathered around at home, when I reached. I guessed that it’s going to be the worst day of my life. I went into the bedroom to see my mom lying lifeless. A smile lingered on her face. The last of her expressions. I felt my knees weakening, and somehow managed to walk out of the room. I held the wall behind. Just sat there for sometime. Then I stood up, came out to see people hugging me. My Anni asked me to cry out loud. I said “I will not. She doesn’t like me crying”. I never cried the whole day. I paced up and down the backyard. My whole Class came to see her. Teachers, friends, I answered all of them without crying. Strange relatives even termed me ‘stone hearted’ because I refused to cry! They didn’t know that while they had lost just another person in family, I have lost my only mom.

I slept in the night exhausted. Woke up the next day for funeral. Still I didn’t cry. I stood like a stone. The mass happened in the church, I looked at Jesus and said “I loathe you because you took my mom away, when you had yours next to you.”

When they buried her, I started crying, only then I felt that she is going away from me forever. I felt a vacuum that cannot be filled ever. I had lost the lap in which I slept the most. She just left…

She never saw my successes. I know that she loves to see me win. She loves to hear people talk good about me. I was the Master of Ceremony (compere)  during my annual school-day, in my 11th grade. When every one congratulated me for doing a good job about the whole event, I glimpsed that eternal smile on my mom’s face.

I missed her throughout my life ever since she left me. I missed  her when I chose my UG. I missed her when I chose my PG. I missed her when I got my first salary as I wasn’t even lucky to buy her a saree. I missed her when I took the decision of leaving my first love. I missed her when I won my first quiz. I missed her when I did my first quiz as a quiz master. I missed her when people say I am intelligent. I missed her when I lost heart in losing quizzes. And I miss her the most now, when I want to live again. I know I will always miss her.

People said that god loved her so much and that’s why he took her to be with him. I say “Hey God, whoever you are, whether you exist or not, just know that I loved her a lot more than you loved her. That’s true and you know it too.”

“Mom, I don’t believe in life after death. Yet if you have a chance, be my daughter. I would love to love you the way you loved me. Happy Birthday Mom. I love you wherever you are. Just know that I miss you more than ever now.”

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Last week, I realized that I have never written a poem for myself. Here goes the poem for myself… I invite comments but i dunno whether I will be able to reply to your questions… Read the poem you will know why..:)

PS: The reason why i had said my mom has gone to “god” is that because she is a strong believer of God.

Photo Credit : Prakhar

http://www.flickr.com/photos/prakhar/ / CC BY 2.0

Only the poem is copyrighted and not the pic. The pic has been licensed under creative commons as mentioned above.

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The one actor, film maker I adore is Kamal Hassan. I don’t think anybody can be compared or match his acting prowess for years to come. He is unique, a número uno and was born to act. He is celebrating his 50th year in Tamil cinema. He entered in to the hearts of Tamil movie goers as a small child singing “Ammavum Neeye” on August 12, 50 years back.

In his Golden jubilee year, I am revisiting his 10 best roles over these 50 years. The 10 best roles doesn’t mean that these are his 10 best movies but these roles brought out the different faces of this versatile actor.

10. Prasanna of Aboorva Ragangal

Prasanna was the personification of youth of the 70s. At the brink of political revolution in the country, Prasanna is the guy who can’t accept even small atrocities in the society, he even injures a guy who doesn’t respect the national anthem. The fiery youth gets tamed when he falls in love with a woman elder than him. The character is complex, confused and contradictory.K Balachander always has the best for Kamal and he was perfect. The confusion sticks on to you too when you watch him on the screen. The emotions of anger to his father, love towards Bhairavi, jealousy towards Bhairavi’s Husband are perfectly portrayed.

9. Senapathy aka Indian Thatha of Indian

Senapathy, 70 year an INA veteran is a nationalist and can’t stand corruption prevailing in the country. He loses his daughter for corruption and starts to weed out all the corrupted officials by murdering them through the help of an ancient martial act technique of Varmam. He finally ends up killing his own son because he was corrupt too.

Can a movie be taken with a 70 Year old man in the lead role? Shankar thought so, so did Kamal. Although make up helped him, it was Kamal’s show all the way. The drooping shoulders, a slight bend in the back to authenticate the age, the voice, actions and above all the style in the way he combs his strands of hair in the forehead- awesome

8. Ragu of Raja Paarvai

I dunno which actor would take risk of acting as a blind man in his 100th movie. Kamal was in his usual self of difference. Ragu is a blind man, talented violinist who brims with self-confidence and hates pity. A realist who falls in love with a Christian Girl. I don’t think some one can portray blind man’s romance better..this movie also had another facet of the man – he wrote the screenplay for the movie.

7. Balram Naidu and Fletcher of Dasavatharam

Dasavatharam was a movie where you can relish 10 different characterizations of the same man. Balram Naidu arguably will become one of funniest characters in the whole of Tamil Cinema in par with Tharumi of Thiruvilayadal. Fletcher was a surprise for me and I think only few villains you will really love – Fletcher will be one. The strength of both the characters is the dialogue delivery – be it the American accent of Fletcher (chi -dam-bram) and the Telegu accent of Balram naidu (neeru telega) – fantabulous. “Neeru terrific scientista illa scientific terrorista”

6. Guna of Guna

I certainly believe Guna is one of the underrated movies of Kamal. Whenever people speak about Kamal, it never features all though Kamal admitted a lot of times that it’s one of his favourites.

Guna is a confused character – you can’t categorize him in to mentally unstable person because he very well knows what he is doing. He is not a violent Psycho type character because he attacks only those people who attack his loved ones (even the small bird he pets) .. I would say he is a innocent schizophrenic…

The blind love he has on abirami is unmatchable… I dunno how Kamal would have understood such a complex character and he plays it with so much panache that you will fall in love with Guna, leave alone the heroine. I would rate this movie on par with any Takeshi Kitano’s or Kim Ki Duk’s

5. Avvai Shanmughi of Avvai Shanmughi

I admit it was an inspiration from Robin Williams but there is an unknown inspiration too – TK Shanmugam who does Avvaiyar roles in Tamil Dramas of yesteryear. Kamal started his acting life in this troupe and so he made a tribute by naming the movie on his guru.

Ok this character is an absolute master piece, the gait, the Brahmin accent, the mannerisms like adjusting the saree – perfect. You can’t just stop admiring Shanmughi Mami.

4. Seenu of Moondram Pirai

Seenu is a very normal next door guy who you would love to be with every other day. He saves a mentally unstable girl from a prostitution place, falls in love with her, cares for her and cures her… And she at the end doesn’t know who he is after getting cured and leaves him in distress.
From the start to the final scene, you will see Sri Devi scoring boundaries in each and every scene and in the final scene Kamal just scores a sixer every minute.. The depiction of emotions are so strong that you will end up feeling that Sri Devi could have been in the old state rather getting cured. This movie fetched the national award for both the leads.

3. Dileep of Sigappu Rojakkal

An anti-hero who is haunted by the child hood wounds created by a host of women, starts avenging on women by cheating and killing them. For once, he finds a good woman but ends up in a mental asylum with unrequited love. This movie came in 1978 and created a furor in the cinema world because of the plot and the making. Dileep another complex character was wonderfully portrayed by Kamal and a character you can neither sympathize nor get angry on his actions.

2. Appu of Aboorva Sagotharargal

Although I rate this as number 2, this was, is and will be my most favorite character of Kamal’s movies simply because of the heroism of the character even though he is short than normal. Normal people will never realize that differently able people also have normal emotions – the scene after his love breaks – Kamal shows why he is rated as one of the brilliant actors. The technical brilliance and dwarf like acting awes you every moment

1. Velu Nayakkar of Nayagan

This is the mother of all characters. Velu Nayakar is about a a true life do-gooder who smuggled to help people. Kind of an biographical of a person. Although inspired by God Father, there was one basic difference between them, God Father never shows his emotions whereas Velu Nayakkar does. Kamal lived as Velu Nayakkar. A national award and the one of the two Indian movies to be rated in 100 best movies of the Millennium by the Time Magazine. Should I say more?

There can be lot other roles which you may think the best of Kamal. This is my list and if you like to add more…Just put it in the comments section. One role which lost by whisker to my list was Nalla of Anbe Sivam.

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We haven’t find an answer for the chapter pages, the pursuit continues. My friends are complaining that I am not giving proper intro to them, so here are their facebook profiles.. Get to know better.

Thomas - http://www.facebook.com/easo.thomas

Prakash Vin - http://www.facebook.com/prakash.vin

and Joe – www.potofthots.com

I was half way through with the Lost Symbol yesterday and I started the discussion of faith and belief once again. I am the only non-believer of the whole lot. Some of my other colleagues could not believe that I am a non-believer.

Joe although a book reader never read Da Vinci Code.. Da Vinci Code showed me the path where I should look for answers to my questions. I had lot of questions about life of Jesus Christ and through that book I was routed to the other books which Dan Brown took as an inspiration.. ( Holy Blood Holy Grail etc.,)

Joe’s argument was “What’s the big deal if Jesus is married or not, my faith is not going to change. It doesn’t take the ‘God’ out of Jesus”

Thomas’ argument was “the faith and belief in us are taught by our parents, peers, priests and so we are conditioned to certain basic values which comes in to question when some one claims Jesus was married. If he was married, where is the blood line?”

Prakash’s question was simple ” if you say the bible was written by someone else and original bible is the gnostic gospels – it can be false too. So which is the truth?”

My argument was ” if your faith is shaken by a book, then your faith is not faith at all. So church was not prudent in advocating not to read the book. For a non-believer like me, it doesn’t matter at all. “

I think this argument will go on and on forever, thanks to Dan Brown for making the world’s biggest conspiracy in to an  mainstream argument.

So then came the interesting part, I said there is a book called “Jesus lived in India” ( I am thinking of buying it) and Prakash was saying ” Yes, it says he lived in Kashmir and some other places“. Joe claimed that India is mentioned in Bible. I asked “you mean as India?”
He said “yes, in the Book of Esther in Old Testament”. I was surprised because India is more of a recent name. Even the Greek called us Indoi from Indus … Lost in Translation? So here it is

Esther 1:1
[ Queen Vashti Deposed ] This is what happened during the time of Xerxes, the Xerxes who ruled over 127 provinces stretching from India to Cush :
Esther 1:1-3 (in Context) Esther 1 (Whole Chapter)

Esther 8:9
At once the royal secretaries were summoned—on the twenty-third day of the third month, the month of Sivan. They wrote out all Mordecai’s orders to the Jews, and to the satraps, governors and nobles of the 127 provinces stretching from India to Cush. These orders were written in the script of each province and the language of each people and also to the Jews in their own script and language.
Esther 8:8-10 (in Context) Esther 8 (Whole Chapter)

Thanks to Biblegateway.com (courtesy Joe, it gives keyword search in Bible.Try it).. The verse even says about country of Lord Sivan

Yes its yet to get over, then came the biggest bomb of yesterday. Thomas claimed that “the Hindu god Lord Indra has been mentioned in Bible with respect to Samson”. We were like “WHAT?” – in big,bold, capital letters. He claimed that Samson was tied before the death in Indra’s Temple. He started his pursuit with my iPhone to prove it to us. He could not find it yesterday during lunch. I tried it in the evening but I didn’t find any reference. The Bible refers to a god called Dagon with respect to Samson.

So we are waiting for him to prove it to us.. That would be a revealation, what say???

Update:

So Thomas came up with the answer today in a mail. It’s another translation tactic by Bible Society of India – to Indianise the Bible – it seems they translated Zeus an Hermes in to Indra and Budhan. I know there are lots of similarities between Roman, Greek and Hindu Mythology – but this one was awesome

Quoting from his mail -

Now if you read Acts of Apostles, Chapter 14, verse 13 you can see that Zeus and Hermes are mentioned there. The comedy part is that in Malayalam bible they are mentioned as “Indra” and “Budhan”

Realizing that Malayalam was not one of the languages that Bible was first printed, I understand that it was one cheap trick used by Bible society of India to confuse people.

– Post From My iPhone

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1. Lunch Notes – Why do Chapter Pages in Books don't have page numbers? For the unknown, I work for Zoho Corp. And...

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For the unknown, I work for Zoho Corp. And they provide free lunch for all the employees (thanks to them for it). So we have this lunch table conversations each day and we are branded as “Gyan Table” because we discuss a lot of stuff which are not usual for a lunch table.

There are 4 usuals for the table. Myself, doubting Thomas, Silent Killer Prakash and the ever funny Joe… Prakash came up with this interesting question today – “why do most of the books don’t have numbers for chapter pages?”

I was literally stunned by this question. I said “I dunno”.. Joe was blinking and Thomas went in to thinking mode. Some books may have numbers but mostly they don’t have a number for the chapter pages. The books which have separate pages never had page numbers to it. If it’s a practice, why they started it? I always believe everything should have reason.

I just tried to find through some google searches. I found a lot of guidelines from publishers, American Publisher Association etc. All had similar guidelines of not having page numbers for chapter pages but they never said the history behind the practice….

So the question still remains? We are yet to get the answer. We didn’t even a get a creative one from Joe…Can you guys find the answer for this question?

P.S: I am thinking of writing all our interesting lunch conversations as a series. Thanks to my friend Pushkala for giving me this idea. Buddy, I have started…

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I was extremely late to office today and even the travel was too hectic – except for the final AC bus travel. But how does it relate to Chaos Theory?

After watching Dasavatharam, I have been more thoughtful towards chaos theory and butterfly effect. It suggests that no incident is independent. Every incident has it’s origins in a incident happened long before.

I am being late is absolutely connected to a birth of a guy 30 years back. In the early wee hours of Wednesday morning one guy hijacked a electric metro train from Moor market station in Chennai and rammed it in to a goods carrying train in Vyasarpadi station. 4 died on the spot, injuring 8 people.

Chennai Metro Train Route

This incident created a clog in the route and all electric trains were cancelled for few hours. It’s a heavy passenger load route due to colleges, offices and market places. So all the people started using the local bus transport in the Central Station – Avadi route…. And boy it was utter chaos which happened. I stood for almost 45 min in Nathamuni Theatre to catch my bus to Ambattur. After reaching Ambattur, I was told to get off from a D70 bus ( Ambattur -Velacheri) because they decided to operate the bus in the Avadi. Even I got to Ambattur by a similar rerouted bus.

AC bus came as a saviour and helped a bunch of passengers like me… It was hell of a ride… While coming back I was thinking about this chaos theory, I dunno what made that guy to do that act. But definitely they would have changed a few lives today…

Chaos theory ? or coincidence? or divine intervention?

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