Love is an emotion which is happy, painful, sad, lethal, ecstatic, passionate, compassionate, funny, lively but it’s never easy. What if it was easy to fall in love, easy to get together in life, easy to get permission from your parents to get married, easy to go beyond religion, caste and country.. What if love was easy…

1. I would not have got a topic to write a blog post
2. Shakespeare would not have penned Romeo and Juliet
3. Troy would have been safe
4. Ramayana would not have been possible
5. Laila and Majnun would have been just another married couple
6. Mark Antony would have lived to expand the Roman Empire and Cleopatra would have died at an older age
7. Napolean would have had a heir to his throne
8. Dante’s Divine comedy would have been a comedy of errors
9. Prithiviraj would not have kidnapped Samjukta in a horseback
10. The love letters of Eloise and Ablehard would not have been possible
11. Anarkali would not have been entombed alive and we would not have got “Pyar Kiya to Darna Kiya”
12. Queen Victoria would have had remarriage
13. Taj Mahal would be just a tomb
14. Alexandra would not have been executed just because he loved Nicholas of Russia
15. We would not have needed a BBC documentary to know about Jawaharla Nehru and Lady Mountbatten and try to ban a movie saying their love story
16. Princess Diana would be living happily  - still breaking some more hearts
17. The number of over aged singles in this world would be an endangered species
18. Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor would not have got married twice in the span of few years.
19. Mills and Boons would be cheap crap ( its still cheap for a few)
20. A lot of poets would have stayed clueless (including me )- uff what I would have written
    
    photo credit: prakhar
21. We would have trashed Devdas. No Paro. No Chandramukhi. Dilip Kumar would have needed another movie to become a star.
22. Eric Segal would not have written the  “Love Story”
23. Dharmendra and Hema Malini would not have converted to Islam just to get married
24. Silsila???
25. Tamil movies would have been saved from scenes were heroes fight for lovers and advice parents
26. Ilaiyaraja would have made only spiritual  and mother songs
27. Mani Rathnam would have made only patriotic movies while AR Rahman would have settled for patriotic songs ( we would not have got Mouna Ragam and Alaipayuthey..ooo. I can’t imagine)
28. Titanic would be just another disaster movie and James Cameron would have been a just another director
29. Da Vinci Code would have been crap ( Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene..???)
30. Spencer plaza, Sathyam theatre and Citi Centre would be out of business (Ampa Mall is recently added to the list – Chennai’s happening places).
31. Who would sit in the hot sun of Marina and Besant Nagar beaches???
32. Dupattas would be in shoulders
33. No. of suicide attempts would have come down
34. A few debatable topics would have reduced for the news channels
35. Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge would have been a first day flop (it’s running for 15 years on the trot in a theater in Mumbai)
36. There would not be guys standing in front of girl’s college gates
37. There would not be girls fasting in front of police stations
38. Suicide Point in Kodaikanal would not have got that infamous name
39. Religion and Caste would have been dead and buried
40. A few police stations would not have become marriage halls
41. Gay parades would not be there.
42. A lot of lovers would not have eloped
43. A few parent hearts would not have broken
44. There will not be broken marriages.
45. Diaries need not be a secret.
46. Arranged marriages would have been a rare spectacle the world will be waiting for
47. This world would have been a better place to live with lesser problems, lesser fights, lesser murders and love
48. I would have been father of a child
49. You would have been a wife of the love of your life
50. And we would not have met….

P.S : This post is dedicated to you

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Update: The supreme court hasn’t passed a judgement yet but only an observation on the case but looking at the observation it looks like it will  be judged in favour of Khushboo but they have spoken about pre-marital sex and live-in relationships. This is because i had a comment regarding it. Her case is just a trigger to the post and not the basis. I have changed the judgement as observation. You can get more info in the following link – http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/asia/article7074875.ece

My thoughts on marriage have always been criticized by my family and peers (don’t see the comments, the arguments usually happen offline). Yesterday I watched “We the People” in NDTV on the topic “Happily Unmarried?” which had some wonderful view points on marriage and relationships. Although my fondness towards Barkha Dutt has deteriorated over the years especially after 26/11, I like “We the People” concept as it brings out some real thoughts from real people.

Why this discussion first of all?

Supreme Court on a reply to a plea by Tamil Actress Khusboo has come out with a consequential observation on March 24th. Khusboo in an interview to an English Magazine in 2008 had said that “there is nothing bad about pre-marital sex and it’s a personal decision of individuals” which eventually triggered a slew of protests from fundamental groups and political parties in Tamil Nadu. There were 22 civil and criminal cases against her in different courts of Tamil Nadu. Her plea to High Court to quash the cases were turn down and she had to appeal to supreme court.

The Supreme court in an observation said that “even the Hindu gods, Lord Krishna and Radha, were cohabiting lovers rather than man and wife. “When two adult people want to live together, what is the offense?” they said. “Living together is not an offense. Living together is a right to life.” And they crticised all the cases against Khusboo questioning the attitude of accusers and asked for proof on how Khusboo’s statement affected the young minds (Sourced from Timesonine.co.uk More on the observation)

So the discussion in NDTV and the judgment of Supreme Court triggered this post. Disclaimers before putting my viewpoints

1. Living Together here means two people in love and want to live together without the legal binding of marriage according to the marriage laws of India or any other country. Live in relationships here doesn’t mean casual flings, pre-marital and post-marital affairs

2. Marriage here means legal marriage either by consensus of two adults or an arranged marriages by the mutual consent of families (although my definition of marriage is different )

3. I am not speaking for any of my friends or family. All the views are my own and I stand by them. I am neither married nor living in with my partner so what ever i have written is all based on observations.

Let’s face some facts. The percentage of arranged marriages in India is  70% (enormous – Sourced from Love will follow by Shaifalil Sandhya). The number of broken love are many and they usually happen because either of them leave the relationship because of an emotional bonding with parents. Even the so-called educated upper middle class in India doesn’t approve of love marriages. Arranged marriages in India happen based on caste, clan, religion, familial ties, status, business and even for honour. In fact most of the love marriages in India are accepted by parents only when both of them are from same caste, religion or status. “If two adults want to live together, why can’t they in an independent democratic country” – a pertinent question that has no answers in this country. Marriages are beyond two individuals in India and that’s why I don’t believe in it.

A relationship in my terms are between two individuals and it’s for the two individuals to decide whether to live together or marry or even stay as friends forever co-habit in the same house with or without being physically attached.I was in love too and I was thinking marriage is the end of it all. But I had to face the reality when it broke because of the same old reasons of broken love in this country. I started thinking about marriages in India. I was pressurized by family to get married. My profile was floated around and even my dad has a Bharat Matrimony profile for me. Even then they were settling down for the same religion, caste and status. Never wanted to go beyond.

I never believed in arranged marriages. I never found a point in it because i never found genuineness  in the arranged bonding of two people. Love after marriage is impossible proposition in my life. It would be an suicide where I would live half dead all through my life.

The biggest problem of marriages especially in India is the loss of individuality. A person loses his or her identity in marriage at some point or other. And Indian marriages give a raw deal to women more than the men. And eventually the fairer sex who lose their identity and individuality in the process. Yes, people claim that they are happy after marriage but how many of the married women have achieved what they intended to achieve before marriage? If they have achieved, what’s the time frame it took them to achieve them? Indian marriages are based on compromises and compromises are made in a way that it changes the life of the people involved especially women folk in marriage.

The biggest advantage of live-in relationships is that the individuality of both the partners will be preserved. They don’t need to change their career aspirations, tastes, life style or even day to day living habits. The relationship stays between the two and not obligated to family of either. In India, you are not married to a person, you are married to a family. In a live in, you are in a relationship to an individual and not a family.

When I was discussing it with a friend, she said “How about a perfect marriage where the individuality of both the partners are preserved?”

Yes it’s perfectly possible and I have seen a few marriages which provides equal space to both without compromises in life and the changes they incur are willful and which doesn’t kill their individuality in the name of love or family. But it’s a rarity. In real terms, it’s a dream marriage (be it love or arranged). Even in such a case there is a problem called “ownership problem”

The moment when people say “I do” in whatever language they say, they take it as “I own you”. The general perception of men and women who enter in to marriage is that they have every right to know everything about the partner which I would call “invasion of personal space”. I believe every individual has a personal circle around them and they want have certain secrets to themselves. The other person trying to get in to that space in the name of love is dangerous until and unless they allow you to. Even then I would say it’s not right.

A live-in relationship starts on this very basis – Yes, we are in a relationship but it doesn’t mean you can come in to my space and mine in to you. People live together because they love each other and not because they own each other. The sense of ownership is the biggest issue I see in marriage and love.

I can hear voices asking “So you will live-in with a girl?”
For me marriage is a ritual – a mere string tying or ring exchanging ceremony. I would love to live with a girl whom I love and not invade in to her own personal space, help preserve her individuality, enjoy each others growth as an individual and live a life of love. Call it marriage, love or live-in relationship, What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet

A question to all of you – If you are not married, Will you be ready to lose your identity and individuality in the name of love and marriage?

If you are married, have you lost your identity and individuality in the name of love and marriage?

Comment anonymous if you like to

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I have this wonderful habit of dropping things when I eat and that day the soup cup was so fragile that I had to be extra careful that I should not drop it. I have to say about a few people I met during the breaks – Dinesh, my junior at MBA – absolutely creative guy who got a job in Oracle in the most bizarre way you can think of, left the job in 6 months to join Radio Mirchi because he felt Oracle was boring…

Felix Chandran – who did the creative stuff for TedX Chennai – Should I say more?

Smriti – consultant at Delloite US. She had come for a vacation and visited TedX

Rabi and Christian Fabre – CEO of Christian Fabre fashions – interesting personality.

Chinmayi – Singer, RJ, VJ and Enteepreneur. Had a good conversation with her about her business, reality shows, education etc. She has a company called Blue Elephant – a linguistics company – in simple words they do translation services. They also do translation services for Zoho.

Rama Vadakattu – works in eBay but with entrpreneurial spirit and a host of guys from Thoughtworks…

I was hoping for a good session after lunch because they had a good lunch and I didn’t want to sleep off…

Kavita Balliga

She started with these words ” I am not going to campaign for any NGO, any activism etc but I am going to share my story. Five years back the doctors broke the news to me” – I was like what news?

She had a type of Cancer and was given the date for death. What will you if you know your date of death? 90% of the people would lose heart, may be get religious, wait for the death day with utmost sadness. She was also shocked, didn’t know what to do but what she did afterwards was wonderful. She started learning guitar by herself, then went for formal music training, cooking, photography, she did whatever she could do…

She became a oprah singer, colloborated with AR Rahman for Passage and now teaches music in KM Music Conservatory of AR Rahman. Yes, she passed through the test of Cancer and she lives till now, positively. A inspiring and moving story ended with an oprah rendition of Laughing Aria. One statement of her stood in mind after her talk – ” my days with cancer and chemotherapy are the best days in my life”

N.Vittal

I think after the moving story – most of them were sad, few even shed some tears. But Vittal made everyone laugh and think at the same time. Mr. Vittal was part of the telecom and Internet revolution of India as a Chief Secretary in Ekectronics and Telecommunication Ministry and very widely known for his work as Chief Vigilance Commissioner.

His witty one-liners like

“Diabetes is like corruption. You can’t eliminate it but you can control it.”

“A consultant is one who borrows your watch for telling the time, and walks away with it!”

“Only two pathys kept me going over the years. Venkatachalapathy and Allopathy”

were hilarious but thought provoking. He seeded a thought in to our minds. He says the best warfare in the world is to nullify the strength of the enemy. The strength of those people who corrupt the system is money. He tried to open the minds of the people and asked them to think about ideas which will nullify the power of money..

Sathish Babu

I have been weary of bureaucrats all through my life. I believe that the inefficiency of the babus is hampering our country’s progress. Because they can’t be thrown out of power like the politicians. A corrupt bureaucrat is a bigger menace than a corrupt politician. But a few bureaucrats in India change the world around them fir the good. Some like TN Seshan are in limelight but a lot like Swaran Singh are hidden gems.

Sathish Babu is one such hidden gem. Now the director of Elcot, he explained how he and his team successfully implemented rural BPOs and backtoschool programs in Krishnagiri, one of the most backward and Naxal hit districts of Tamil Nadu

I can’t explain his achievements in a small article. The way they planned the BPOs, implement it in small abandoned buildings in Vilages and training the young unemployed youth. Tremendous achievement…

For getting educated youth, you need the children to go to school continously – to make it possible they have used technology and local actor fan clubs to track every child eligible for school education. He demonstrated the live tracking process. It was not design rich but I believe that’s one of the most useful applications ever made for the betterment of people.

Sathish Babu is positive about everything. He even alternate positive part of free tv scheme of the government. He says ut actually takes information to the poor people. I remebered the Superfreakonomics theory of TVs empowering Indian rural womenfolk..

He says “you can’t change India. If you think so you are a fool. You change whatever you can change in the domain you are operating. India will change by itself “… According to me his was the perfect TED Talk of TEDx Chennai…

Khurshed Batliwala – Art of Living

The last and the worst shocker of the day for me. I don’t understand the connection between Art of Living and TED… I am a non-believer and I hate life improvement classes. Who are they to say how I should live? I frame my rules,values and the way of living.,,

His talk was a perfect marketing pitch for art of living classes. In such talks you will have statistics which are hiked up and shown as more important than any other problem in the world. Then as a solution they will make everyone to do a simple meditation technique and then try to prove that way is the solution for your problems…

There are more people who die of poverty in this country than stress suicides. There are more people killed by terrorist attacks than suicides. The presentation was the richest as it was done in Mac but it was inappropriate and blasphemous for TED…

Jeeva Raghunath

After that dissapointment, I was waiting for someone who can change my mood. Who better than a children story teller. I think most of us would have forgotten the stories we hear and we make during childhood days. She rendered 3 stories with actions and she actually made every one as a child all over again. I just thought “how wonderful it is to be a child”

Satyabrata Dam

“I am damn jealous about this guy” - that was the live tweet I made when I was seeing the pictures he took. I love to travel, but I travel less. I took a vacation after 4 years… And it was the best 9 days I had. Every journey is a learning.

This guy was a traveller and he climbs mountains. He says he is trying to find new ways to kill himself. 22 years in Navy with 7 years as director of adventure sports in Navy now studying MBA at IIM A, a oceanologist, advisor to Irish Govt and an eternal traveller

I am not finding words to describe this guy. His life us scary, his photos were breathtaking and his talk was candid. Just visit his blog , you will understand what I am talking about…

Awesomeness Personified

TEDx Chennai was a fantastic experience for me. It actually gave me a inferiority complex. I thotht and still thinking whether I am living a monotonic life… I would not say it was life changing experience but it definitely inspired me to make some adjustments to my life. I will live better tomorrow than today…

So the answer to my question – I am going to stay in the same domain as I am and try to do my part perfectly. I have a small land in Tanjore, with which I am going to explore the opportunities of farming. I have decided to travel to one unexplored place (by me) every year and take my photography little bit seriously…

PS: Kudos to all the people who were behind TEDx Chennai. It was really a wonderful event..

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Disclaimer:

1. All views in the post are mine and written with an open mind.

2. I am not going to bore you with my bad photographs. Check the following link for wonderful photographs from Felix Chandran. ( another awesome guy I met in TedX Chennai)

http://picasaweb.google.com/felixchandran

I was travelling back from TedX event in IIT to my home. As it’s a long bus back, my thoughts were spinning around the people who I met, listened and interacted with. I had 3 questions in my mind

1. Should I quit my job and start agriculture, which I believe can be transformed in to an organized industry in India?

2. Should I quit my job and start travelling from North Pole to South Pole just like that haphazardly without any plan in mind? Mind you travelling is one of the many things I love

Or

3. Should I stay where I am and make small changes in my own domain with the simple powers I have and make a difference in the lives of the people I know?

The answer at the end of the series

TED is a short form for Technology Entertainment Design, a non-profit organization which has a sole aim of spreading new ideas in whatever domain you can think of. Recently TED came to India and the first conference held in Mysore was a huge success. Ok I don’t think people like me could have attended it because the ticket comes at a princely price of $2400 ( a lakh and odd). But you can see the videos for free online after two weeks of the event. The videos are a rage in Youtube – never miss those

For those people who can’t attend, there are independent TED events, licensed by TED foundation called the TedX. A set of volunteers from Chennai took the challenge of organizing and what a event it was….

I was personally inspired by the TED videos and when TedX was announced in Chennai. I was so sure that I am going to attend. I got the ticket from Joe, my friend who was also part of the organizing team (I paid for it guys). There were lot of people who were cribbing that Rs.1000 as costly but I knew the worth. I thought the organizers did it in order to restrict the number of people..

After a early rise on a Sunday morning ( that’s unusual for me. I usually open my eyes at around 10 on a Sunday) and a long slow bus ride (which I didn’t expect) reached the IC & SR Audi of IIT, Madras just on time for the breakfast. I savored the tasty pongal and Vada but missed the coffee (he he he). I should admit that I was thinking that it will not start on time…

With only few minutes delay ( events in Chennai get late by one hour usually), the event started with Kiruba Shankar, introducing TED and TedX. The first technical glitch came with the first video of Chris (TED Founder) which didn’t work. Kiruba was quickly rescued the situation joking on how they played it 20 times the day before.Sometimes Technology fails you even in a Technology event ( should I say windows failed you? )

Anil Srinivasan and Sikkil Gurucharan

It was apt to start the conference with music and that too a fusion of Western Harmony and Carnatic Music. Anil, a trained western classical pianist and Gurucharan, a Carnatic vocalist started their tryst of colloboration music 4 years back using Skype Chats. Now the duo is four fusion albums old and a number of awards.

Anil shared a few stories of how Sarangi became Piano and how western classical piece became “Kaatrinile Varum Geetham”. They dumped the talking after a few minutes and Anil’s piano started the talking, sorry stirring my soul… With Gurucharan’s voice blending, it was a morning filter coffee with the Cappucino twist. Slowly they moved on to “Aasai Mugam” by Bharathiar, which was soulful.

Anil felt the sounds were not good so they performed ” Naan yenna vilayattu Bommaiya” by Papanasam Sivan, which was ice cream topping for the morning. I was amazed the way western piano and Carnatic music blended. It was interesting to know that “Aasai Mugam” was written on Bharathi’s mother and Krishna. He wrote the poem after the picture of his mom was burnt in a fire.

P.S: The same western classical blend with Indian classical is what you hear in Ilaiyaraja’s music. For better understanding, listen to Thiruvasagam.

Krupa of Sukrupa

TED is about sharing the life experience of one and how they had made something in life. There is a very thin line of difference between sharing and pitching. Krupa along with her mother started an NGO Sukrupa which empowers woman slum dwellers to lead a better life through education and self employment.

Although her concept was great and idea was profound, the talk was more like a marketing pitch for her NGO rather than a Ted talk. I felt she could have put her experiences in a better way and that was the first shocker of the day.

Sharada Ramanathan

Sharada, an Independent Film maker and the director of “Srirangaram” – which won a host of international awards and was revered in famous film festivals.

Sharada’s talk was deep, thought provoking but extremely biased. I accept her thoughts about movies which have to go to the grass roots and create meaningful content but she tried to create a stir by criticizing the populist movies. It’s the same old argument of the so called “intelligent” film makers on the so called “masala” film makers. As a ardent movie buff, I believe all the type of movies can co-exist in an Eco system. The people of India are appreciative of any good movie which will enrich and entertain them. We usually compare our movies with Korean, French, Spanish and English language movies. I think all these movie ecosystems have all kinds of movies for the people to watch. Sharada’s accusation and statements were more like attention grabbing whereas it could have been a wonderful insight in to Indian Cinema.

GRK Reddy

The next shocker of the day. I can’t even remotely agree this was a TED Talk. I agree his life could have been a inspiring story of a bureaucrat becoming a businessman but it looked more like a simple sales pitch for Marg Swarnabhoomi. Don’t you agree the AR Rahman concert was the biggest marketing tactic to bring people to Swarnabhoomi and experience it? I can’t explain more as most of the crowd was disinterested in the talk.

Romulus Earl Whitaker

After a shocker comes the pleasant whiff of nature in Whitaker’s form. Romulus Earl Whitaker aka the Snake Man is a Herpetologist who was instrumental in creating the Snake Park in Chennai ( visit it once.. Your fear of snakes will fly away)

His talk was about how they are using technology and community development to develop the Agumbe Rain forest and conserve the King Cobra population in the area. King Cobra is a speciality of India and he explained the facets of Cobra with superb humour. His jab at Chennai ( Red Dog ) showed his love for Madras. Don’t worry Romulus, we don’t have a Raj Thackeray here

R.Madhavan

Madhavan’s talk was arguably the best talk of the day. An IITian, quit his job at ONGC and started farming Yes, he believes and works for making Agriculture as an Industry. His talk was so thought provoking and statistics were hard hitting

“If 80% of the population are in to agriculture why 40% of the children are mal-nutritioned”

“the agricultural universities never know the reality of the farmers and farmers do not even know there is an agricultural university. There are 100 prototype machines made every year in these universities bur never see the light of production”
Through his research he had identified 20 different parameters which can improve agriculture but he could explain only 5 major parameters due to time constraint.

His idea was simple. He says “it’s not about the amount of area used for agriculture matters but the productivity of the land is more important”. He also took a dig at the “Land Ceiling Act” which became a deteriorating factor for Indian Agriculture. Coming from the granary of India, Thanjavur, his talk created a whirlwind of emotions in my heart. I am not able to come out of it till this moment.

Abdul Kalam quoted about this guy ” we need a million Madhavans for India” … Yes we do need. With that thought we broke for lunch…

To be continued…

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The day i finished reading ‘State of Fear‘ and the research i did there on, enlightened me on the way people exploit the fear of environment. It’s just the state of fear which people are forced to think that if we don’t contribute to the earth hour, we are considered to be murderers of nature..

For the unknown, Earth hour is a initiative started by WWF ( said so, there are reports it’s media hype of some big news corps to save their business) to voluntarily switch off all the electric appliances in your house for one hour on March 28th, 2009. In India, it’s going to be from 8.30 PM to 9.30 PM. Of course the movement is supported by the media and celebrities alike.

It’s absolute farce and a extreme stupidity in both scientific sense and logical sense.

First the Scientific Sense,

1. I accept the ice sheets of Antartica are melting. But it will take another 3000 years to bring any catastrophe to this world. It’s a normal process of nature and it’s true that we are on our way to the next ice age. We can’t stop or prevent the forces of nature.

Make some goo reading of why Global warming is not what they say

http://jennifermarohasy.com/blog/2009/03/global-warming-in-perspective/#more-4276

2. Jennifer Marohasy is a progressive environmentalist and proprietor of the Politics and Environment Blog further explains:

Earth Hour was held during a time of peak electrical load, so any electricity generation displaced would be peak load, probably running on natural gas. Such generation produces about 500 grams of CO2 for every kilowatt-hour.

So turning a 100 watt light bulb off for an hour saves 50 grams of CO2, or 13 grams of carbon. A candle is mostly carbon by weight, and candle wax is only moderately less dense than water at room temperature. This means that burning just 5 cm of a typical 2 cm diameter candle will produce more CO2 than running the 100 watt light bulb for an hour. If the light that was turned off is fluorescent, then even less candle can be burned if there’s to be a net reduction in CO2.

( excerpt from Danu Payner’s Blog)

3. The amount of money loss the Earth hour can do is more than the gain which it’s going to make ( awareness bull shit)

The Logical Sense

1. This has become a fashion to associate one self to a particular cause and popularizing it. Why don’t you guys leave your cars for a day and commute in public transport? It will help the earth better than switching off lights. ( I commute in Public Transport and walk as much as I can)

2. It’s better to improve and invest in science and technology to find better options of power, appliances to conserve energy rather contributing to earth hour.

3. The energy, time and money can be used in fruitful way rather than wasted in a pointless campaign.

My final say – in order to fight this stupidity, I pledge myself to ‘Hour of Power” started by Tim Blair .

I will switch on as much electrical appliances and lights as possible to go against the Earth Hour. Join me to stop this stupidity.

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